


A New Leaf

by Liz7



Category: The Ren & Stimpy Show
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:27:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24300562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liz7/pseuds/Liz7
Summary: Stimpy tries to be on his best behavior after his roommate (and ‘secret’ crush) Ren catches him stealing money from him. Will the dumb cat restrain himself from pampering his friend with gifts or unnecessary household items?(I apologize for the quality of the paragraphs. I was writing this on my phone.)
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

“Yes, sir. She’s a beauty, all right,” the grinning saleswoman claimed, showing off her newly built vacuum cleaner as if it was a prize. An innovation of the twenty-first century! It could pick up more dirt and junk than anybody’s business! 

Stimpy blushed at her enthusiasm then glanced at his roommate dozing on the couch. He could try to wake him up, but he remembered how much Ren wanted his beauty rest. The dumb Manx cat was lucky enough to permit the strange woman inside their domain without waking the angry chihuahua. To make things even better, she kept her steely voice quiet as she stepped inside the house, picking up and moving objects she deemed to be outdated as she hobbled around the living room where Ren now slept in.

“I can’t wait to try it,” Stimpy murmured as the nice lady chugged down a bottle of room temperature water he had handed her from the pantry. “My best friend over there,” he continued, jerking his gloved thumb at the snoozing chihuahua, “always wants me to keep the rooms clean.”

The saleswoman nodded. She whipped out a compact mirror out of her purse to inspect her makeup. Unsatisfied, she refreshened her red lipstick before she bothered to speak again. “Well, sweetheart, it wouldn’t make sense for you to turn down this offer, hm? I bet your friend will be a happy fella once he sees the results of this new, state-of-the-art, vacuum cleaner!”

Stimpy winced as her voice rose a little. To his dismay, Ren groaned. His hands flailed around until they covered his face, hissing in pain all the while. “Steempy? What-what the hell are you doing?” he growled.

“Nothing!” Stimpy singsonged, hiding the money Ren had kept in a locked safe underneath their bed for God knew how long behind his back. The tiny chihuahua had boasted of spending it on a mansion or human babes to take on dates with. Or just both. Now, Stimpy felt guilty of unlocking the safe and stealing the $350 within. But he could always pay his pal back, right?

Right?

“ _She_ sounds like a something!” Ren roared, pointing at the saleswoman without opening his eyes.

The grin on the nice lady’s face wavered for a moment. She fiddled with the golden curls she had so carefully stylized before arriving to Stimpy’s home. “Oh, boy! Look at the time!” she exclaimed, pretending to glance at her watch. 

“But aren’t those hand thingies on your clock frozed?” Stimpy asked, remembering quite clearly how the watch looked like when he shook her hand earlier.

“It’s fixed now,” the lady assured him as she sprinted out of the living room, down the hall, and out the front door. All while wobbling on those black high heels of hers.

Stimpy breathed out a sigh of relief. One obstacle was gone. Now he had three more to face.

“Who was that woman? You weren’t inviting any _salesmen_ around here, right?” Ren demanded, shifting his body upright.

Stimpy avoided his searching gaze. “Nope. That was just, uh, a new friend I made while on a night on the town,” he lied, his chubby face heating up.

“A _friend_? You?” Ren laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’m the only guy you’ve got. If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even know how to whiz by yourself.”

Stimpy sniffled, as he always did whenever he had gotten caught in a lie and couldn’t weasel his way out of it by looking innocent. Sure, with humans the trick worked like a charm. But with Ren, whose heart was hardened by the ugly and the injustice the world offered him all of his life? Definitely not. The tears started slipping out of Stimpy’s eyes as he caught Ren’s knowing smirk. “The nice lady offered to sell me a brand-new, s-state of the art, vacuum cleaner!” he sobbed, finally breaking his nonchalant facade. 

Ren tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Hmm. Seems like she’s forgotten it on her way out. No matter. I expect she’ll sneak her way back and get it herself,” he said indifferently, stretching his slender arms over his head.

Stimpy’s sobs quieted. “You’re not mad at me, are you?” he hiccuped.

Ren shot him a glare. “Hand it over,” he demanded instead.

Stimpy reluctantly gave him the money back. Oh well. It was thrilling while it lasted.

Ren grinned at him evilly. “I suspect I may as well put this where a certain someone’s grubby little fingers won’t snatch it up,” he said.

“Can I help?” Stimpy blurted out, feeling embarrassed by the minute.

Ren laughed again then sprinted out of the living room and bounded up the stairs.

Stimpy sighed sadly. He would chase after him, but didn’t believe he had the strength. The cat plopped himself on the couch and felt between the sagging cushions for the remote. It would be a fantastic idea for Ren to purchase a new couch with the money he was busy saving. But that wouldn’t happen if Stimpy wasn’t easily susceptible to be lured by salespeople.

Suddenly, Stimpy felt a surge of triumph flow through him as his hand bumped against a long, hard object. The TV remote! At last! He snatched it up and clicked the waiting tiny television set on. He was excited to watch the next episode of The Muddy Mudskipper Show. But to his disappointment, Stimpy’s favorite television program wasn’t on. But tonight was a Monday, for heaven’s sake! 

“Now what else am I supposed to watch?” he lamented aloud. 

“Change the station to the news. There’s always bound to be something exciting happening, Stimpson,” Ren announced, arriving back in the living room. “Perhaps the police had arrested some _thief_ on the run, hmm?” 

Stimpy winced at the emphasis on the word ‘thief’. It sounded like it was in italics. “You’re not still angry at me, right? You won’t punch me?” he gulped, mustering the courage to look up at his small friend slinking over towards him. Ren was dressed in his tan cap and nightgown. All ready for bed. However, he kicked off his slippers and crawled into Stimpy’s lap.

Stimpy’s heart rate quickened. Now _that_ was certainly new. Ren had rarely shown him affection, especially something like that. What did he want from him? He had already given him his money back.

“What are you waiting for? Turn to the news, man!” Ren barked impatiently, although a faint yet ironic smile lit up his features. He must have known the effect his touch had on Stimpy. 

“Sure thing, buddy.” Stimpy did as Ren commanded. Relax. There was no need to get worked up. By tomorrow, Ren would be his normal, grouchy self. But for now, the little dog rested his head against his companion’s chest and shut his eyes, humming softly.

“My, you’re having a lot of mood swings, aren’t you?” Stimpy chuckled. “Did you have a good day at work? Any exciting things happen?”

Ren rolled his eyes as he mimicked Stimpy’s words. “Ah, just shut up and let your brain rot. Now, look. There’s a high-speed chase going on right at this very moment,” he mumbled sleepily.

Stimpy watched the blaring screen for a moment then shrugged, quickly growing bored. He never liked grown-up programming. All he cared about was Ren’s head nestled against his chest like a baby. Today was a strange day. But hopefully, tomorrow couldn’t get any weirder than this.


	2. Drama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stimpy becomes distressed when he gets reminded of Ren’s girlfriend existence. How will the cat cope?
> 
> (More to come soon)

All good things came to an end. 

Stimpy tried to savor the last moments of Ren’s warmth absorbing his and glanced nervously at the morning sunlight peeking through the curtains. 

Much to the cat’s disappointment, the telephone on the mantle rang. _Very_ loudly.

Stimpy wished night would last forever, but knew whoever was on the phone could be important. Or important to _Ren_ , at least. 

At first, breaking away from his friend would be a struggle. Ren’s arms and legs, wiry and short, wrapped around Stimpy’s body like a vine. 

Luckily for Stimpy, the chihuahua was still dressed in his sleepwear. It would be tempting to glimpse underneath that night gown—

Stimpy cringed at the thought. He had never imagined anything like that before. But instead, he tugged Ren’s long, pink, rat tail snaking in between their legs playfully. 

“Hey. Should I answer the phone?” Stimpy whispered, his cheeks flushing.

Ren mumbled something underneath his breath and tightened his legs around his friend’s waist.

Stimpy exhaled. Okay, it seemed like the chihuahua wasn’t going to budge anytime soon. No matter. He could still have fun with Ren before it was time for work. But—Stimpy’s ears flattened as he pondered that next—what _kind_ of fun?

Finally (and thank goodness), the telephone stopped its ringing.

“Thank God,” Ren yawned. 

“You’re awake!” Stimpy cheered, pumping his fists up.

Ren’s ears twitched, smacking Stimpy’s nose.

Stimpy wished Ren’s pink ears weren’t as big and floppy as they were. They could be such a nuisance sometimes.

“Of course I am,” Ren scoffed. “Your snores are so damn loud they can keep anybody up at night.”

Stimpy sighed at that word again. Night. Why couldn’t night last forever? Nobody would barge in on them and interrupt their bonding time.

“What’s wrong with you? Why the sad face?” Ren demanded, his brows furrowing together in concern.

Stimpy’s heart leaped. That was an expression he hadn’t seen from Ren in a long time. “Oh! I, um, I don’t know. I guess I’m just tired this morning, Ren,” he stammered.

“Just tired,” Ren mimicked. He pointed at the time on the cable box. Glowing in blue block letters, it read: 6:30 am. “How do you think I feel? You and that damn phone like to torment me.”

“Torment you?” Stimpy gulped. “But, Ren! I would never do such a thing!” 

Ren raised an eyebrow skeptically. “Oh, yeah. Sure,” he chuckled sarcastically. “I suppose you didn’t make any deals with any salespeoples over the phone, huh?” 

“Nu-uh!” Stimpy denied vehemently, folding his arms across his chest.

“Oh, okay. But if I catch you coercing with—,”

The telephone rang again. This time, it sounded more louder. More insistent for someone to pick it up and answer whoever was on the other end of the line.

Stimpy shrank back against the arm of the couch as Ren narrowed his eyes at him. He wished he could make himself smaller, never liking being under the scrutiny of Ren’s gaze. “It-it wasn’t me this time. I swear it,” Stimpy protested shakily.

A small smile curled around Ren’s lips. “I believe you, all right,” he replied cooly, rising slowly from the couch.

Stimpy squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to sob at the stomp of Ren’s footsteps.

The angry dog snatched the telephone off of the mantle and answered it.

Stimpy swallowed the bile stuck in his throat. This morning was _not_ turning out to be a very good one. 

But then, Ren’s voice grew friendlier. Familiar.

“Oh, hey, Rose! Heh, sorry for not answering your call earlier. No, I didn’t forget about you. Don’t worry. N- _please_ don’t worry. I was,” he shot a glare at Stimpy, “putting a certain _eediot_ to bed. He was bouncing off the—what? Oh. Right. I forgot about that. Listen, he’s my—okay then. Sheesh. You always whi- _tell_ me about your personal life... sorry, darling. But it’s true.” 

Stimpy’s ears perked up. _Darling_? Ren had a sweetheart and he didn’t bother to tell _him_? By the time his supposed friend got off the phone, the Manx cat was fuming.

“So, who’s the _girlfriend_?” Stimpy asked snottily.

Ren cringed as he rolled his eyes. “You know who the hell Rosalie Baker is, Steempy,” he snapped.

“No, I don’t!”

“Yes, you do!” Ren shot back. “She was the nice petite human waitress at that coffee place you love so much. She was the one who gave you those free chocolate chip cookies.” 

Stimpy shook his head, refusing to believe it. Refused to believe someone as friendly as that waitress would come on to his best friend. “You’re kidding me?” Stimpy said. “That dark haired biker chick that wears her hair in a boy style? That’s your girlfriend?” 

Ren’s face reddened. “Well, well, well. I didn’t know eediots had impossibly high standards, but I suppose that’s the world I’m living in, eh?”


End file.
